In Which Amazon.com Ruins My Birthday

Following is the actual piece of feedback I just sent Amazon.


Complaint: in which Amazon.com ruined my birthday.


Forewarning: this will be a long ranting piece of feedback that covers many topics, but will hopefully ease the troubles of future customers.


Previously being quite a fan of Amazon, I requested an Amazon gift card for my birthday. Receiving one from my brother, I selected a few books to purchase. When I proceeded to checkout, I found myself looking at what I would describe as a "pre-populated summary page." I carefully checked the default payment method, as I have unwittingly in the past used the wrong card -- with no real consequences.


Being a Prime member, I waited the two days for the majority of my items to arrive. On the "estimated delivery date," I was quite excited: "BOOKSIES!" When my books failed to arrive, I went to my inbox to check the order details, only to finally realize... the books (all three shipments of them) had been sent to my parents' home address which is in a different state than the university I am currently attending.


Issue #1: streamlined checkout flow makes mistakes often inherent, and less obvious. Please make it simple to use the old flow where each item is hand-selected.


My first thought was "have the packages arrived yet?" I texted my hard-of-hearing mother, but received no response. My next thought was "this must happen fairly frequently, as far as ordering problems go; surely, Amazon will know what to do." I navigated onto the help page, but was unable to find any items on this particular problem. After that, I searched for several minutes on for the "Contact Us" link, which for some reason I always gloss over.


Issue #2: No help topics on "what to do if you've put in the wrong shipping address AFTER the order has shipped."
Issue #3: No "Contact Us" in the "normal" places (e.g. bottom of page, upper right corner), and existing button may be glossed over by some users looking for it in the rest of the page content.


After finally having an "ohhhhhhhhhh" moment, realizing the Contact Us button is right there on the page, I ended up choosing the chat functionality to resolve my problem. Enter Amazon Rep #1. Part of the reason customers choose to converse with a real human being is because they have a situation that needs to be resolved, but don't know how to begin solving it. This first rep kept asking me how she could help me, but I didn't know -- all I could do was keep explaining what I knew about the situation.


Issue #4: If no help page exists, have reps explain "here's something you can do" instead of repeatedly asking "what can I do for you?"


She ended up telling me that one part of my order was still in a packing center for UPS and that they could hold it there. This made some sense because one of my guesses of "what to do first" had been to have my parents refuse delivery. However, the rep's concurrent advice was that I should call UPS myself. Assuming Amazon's part in this process was done, I ended my chat with the first rep. Now, due to no fault of Amazon, UPS's customer service phone line is completely useless in cases like this. After being unable to speak to any person from UPS over the phone, I investigated their website a little further. I found an option to change the delivery address, but to do so, one has to be in physical possession of the package (to read a number off its label) or be the sender. Not being in physical possession of the package, I hoped Amazon could clarify further. Feeling more impatient, I opted to speak to a representative on the phone this time. Enter Amazon Rep #2. I began to re-explain my situation to the second rep when she informed me that Amazon couldn't help with the marketplace portion of my order and that I would have to contact the vendor, which, in fact, I had already done, but was less concerned about now, considering it wasn't being delivered TODAY. I tried to explain that I wanted to clarify if Amazon could, as the seller, redirect the UPS portion of my order, but the second rep informed me that "oh, that package has already been delivered; we can't help you with that." At that point, the inconsistencies combined with lack of any real instructions pushed me past a point of frustration I haven't experienced in years. I immediately hung up the phone, not wishing to deafen the rep with a string of incredibly loud obscenities.


Issue #5: get customer service reps on the same page; have a way to continue a particular issue and share notes between multiple representatives.


After fuming for a bit, I decided I needed to still clarify where my UPS package was and what still needed to be done. Knowing I was far too frustrated to speak with someone on the phone in a rational manner, I chose to use the chat functionality again. Enter Amazon Rep #3. Now having some more specific questions in mind, I was able to get some clarification. Indeed my package was still with UPS in another state. Apparently, it is possible to redirect packages en route within a certain city, but not outside of that (although, I have not independently verified this). Unfortunately, my failure to notice Amazon selected a shipping address I have used roughly ONCE in the past year means to receive my order at all (not in the two days for free that my prime membership gives me) the following needs to happen: potentially make my parents PAY shipping to return the items to Amazon, or wait for a few days before the mail service decides to return the items, wait while the package is transported back to Amazon, wait for Amazon to process the return and refund me, then PURCHASE THE ITEMS ALL OVER AGAIN -- which, mind you, I cannot do immediately and have the refund credit the money I spend this time because it was from a gift card which I fully used.


Issue #6 (aka the most important issue of all): for what I can only imagine is a relatively common mistake, DON'T SCREW OVER YOUR CUSTOMERS. There should be some sort of streamlined process to deal with this. Maybe a one-time return-shipping forgiveness policy. Maybe a way to "re-purchase" items without needing to wait on the refund (I'm sure Amazon can afford to loan me $30 while my refund gets processed.


I have been a big fan of Amazon for some time now. I literally told all my family members to give me Amazon gift cards for my birthday. If you guys hadn't been nice enough to give students free Amazon Prime this year (read: if I didn't get free 2-day shipping), I would literally stop using your service because of this incident.


I hope this piece of feedback actually inspires some changes.

Orange Dreamsicle Mini-Cupcakes

This ever-so-mildly alcoholic cupcakes made a great new year's eve snackable. The alcohol comes in the frosting, where it is not baked away, but is really a negligible amount comparable to using any-flavored extract in frosting. Regardless, it's fun and festive to say they're alcoholic for some occasions.

Williams-Sonoma's Vanilla Cupcakes recipe served as the base for these. I omit the vanilla in the recipe, and add 1 Tbsp of orange liqueur. I used Grand Marnier for the liqueur, but any orange-flavored liqueur should do. Using one tablespoon makes for subtle flavoring, which I wanted. In fact, with the frosting, it was hard to tell whether the cupcakes tasted like orange at all. You can increase the orange liquor in the batter if you like, but I wouldn't exceed 2 Tbsp. To bake, line or butter a 2-dozen mini-muffin pan, and fill each well/liner with 1 Tbsp of batter. Bake at the recipe's 350 degrees for 14 (not 18) minutes or until slightly golden and test clean.

For the frosting (which is the important part for these cupcakes), cream 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter with a stand or hand mixer. Add 1/2 cup of powdered sugar at a time until the frosting reaches your desired taste and consistency (1-3 cups), adding a splash of cream or milk as needed to keep smooth. Once the desired consistency is achieved, add 1/2 tsp of vanilla extract and mix until incorporated. At this point remove 1/8-1/4 of the frosting (~1/2 cup) and set aside.

To the remaining frosting, add the orange liquor, 1-2 Tbsp, depending on how strong you'd like the orange flavor, and mix until incorporated. Add yellow food coloring a drop or two at a time until the frosting is a noticable yellow. Add red food coloring one drop at a time until the frosting turns orange. You may add more or less food coloring depending on how vibrant or pastel you would like the frosting.

To the ~1/2 cup of frosting previously set aside, add 1/4 tsp of vanilla extract and stir to incorporate.

Now to frost adorably.

Fit a piping bag with a wide round tip, or snip the corner off a large ziploc bag. Spoon the orange frosting into the bag. Frost the cupcakes in a shallow spiral from the outside in. Try to keep the frosting fairly flat on the cupcake. Clean the piping bag or grab another plastic bag and fit with a decorative tip, or the same wide round tip. Pipe a dollop, star, rose, or whatever shape you please of the white vanilla frosting onto the center of each cupcake.

Marvel in your baking prowess, share, and enjoy.

That's right... marvel in your baking prowess.